Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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