Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
