Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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