If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
