Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
