I want to walk on stilts...naked
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
