the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Someone shattered a urinal.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Randomize
