I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
