i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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