I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
