I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
