He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Couch. On fire.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
