Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Randomize
