Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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