I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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