What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
