so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
