do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
