And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
