According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
