You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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