They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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