Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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