I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
