I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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