dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
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