i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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