Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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