he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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