I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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