Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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