She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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