i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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