his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
