i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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