Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
