she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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