Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(323): View more from California

At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.

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(270): View more from Kentucky

i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.

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(636): View more from Missouri

Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea

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(360): View more from Washington

Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.

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(714): View more from California

I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?

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(512): View more from Texas

You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.

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(303): View more from Colorado

Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?

(401): View more from Rhode Island

Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?

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(630): View more from Illinois

Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese

(630): View more from Illinois

MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE

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