We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
