I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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