2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
