I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
