I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
is it fun? or sober?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
