I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
