yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
