I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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