I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
