so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
