dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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