So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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