Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
