You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
