Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
